Lost
by gostopow
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. My AU version picking up at the end of Wathershed. Beckett says no to Castle's proposal taking the job in DC. Realizing her mistake she tries to gain back eveything she lost. Castle makes some major changes himself. Will Kate be able to re-unite with Rick and reclaim his love.
1. Chapter 1

_The Swing Set_

Castle gets down on his knee "Katherine Houghton Beckett will you marry me?"

To say that she was shocked was an understatement… when he began talking she was almost positive he was breaking up with her and now here he is down on one knee asking her to marry him. God, this was going to be hard. Taking a moment to gather herself… she answered with one word, "No."

He is devastated and about to say something when Kate continues "Castle, I was offered the job and plan on accepting it."

"Kate, I don't understand… I told you whatever you decide."

Unable to look him in the eyes she responds "I have decided… and I chose DC. Castle, I can't commit to both a career and marriage…. This position is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me."

He can't believe what she is saying…"So you are telling me that a job is more important than finding your one and done?"

She doesn't answer just continues to look away from him. Knowing she has no reply he continues "Well I see there is nothing left to say… Goodbye Beckett." He stands up and starts to walk away… never looking back.

She waits until he has already started to walk away before turning back to watch him. Tears flowing down her face, she whispers "Goodbye Castle." She is torn... part of her feels like getting up, chasing after him and telling him yes, the other half keeps telling her she made the right choice…. She is no good at relationships and sooner or later he would grow tired of her holding back or keeping things from him. Either way she has made her decision and must live with it.

_12__th__ Precinct_

Beckett returns an hour later, getting off the elevator she sees Ryan and Esposito sitting at their desks. They look up at her, both surprised to see no Castle with her. They thought for sure when she said there was someone she needed to tell first… she was referring to him. They were certain she had gone to fix whatever it was that caused a rift between them. She slowly approaches "Hey guys, could you meet me in the break room in ten? I need to make a phone call and talk to Gates for a minute."

"Okay Beckett" they say in unison.

Kate proceeds to the ladies room, making sure she has some privacy. She calls the Deputy Director back to inform him she's accepting the offer. She then knocks on Captain Gates office door.

"Come in Detective Beckett."

Kate does and closes the door behind her.

"So I guess you have come to a decision" Gates asks her.

"Yes sir, I have decided to accept their offer."

"Congratulations, I know you will do a fine job with the Attorney General's Office. I'm surprised I haven't seen Mr. Castle with you, he did know about the offer?"

Caught off guard Kate replies "Not at first, but he knows now."

"I see" says Gates "So are you going to ask him to go to DC with you?"

"No sir, I think we might have run our course."

"I'm sorry to hear that Kate, you both seemed happy together."

After finishing up her conversation with the captain, Beckett heads for the break room where Ryan and Espo are waiting.

Espo starts as soon as she closes the door "So, are you going to finally tell us what all this is about?"

"Yes" she starts "Do you guys remember a few weeks ago when Agent Stack was hear?"

"Yeah, what about him?" Ryan asks.

She continues "Before he left he presented me with a chance of joining the Attorney General's Office Task Force in DC. I called and had an interview scheduled with the Deputy Director 2 days ago."

Espo adds "You mean the day you showed up late to the crime scene without Castle."

"Yeah… I just got back from DC. Anyway, I was offered the job and decided to take it."

They are both stunned by her confession. "So, you are leaving?" asked Ryan.

"Yes" is all she replies.

Esposito sits there thinking about what she had told them. Then it hits him "You didn't tell Castle about the interview… did you?"

"No, I thought it best to wait until I heard something."

"But he found out anyway… that is why you have been upset and he hasn't been around?" Espo continues.

"Yes" is all she says.

"Is everything okay now?" Ryan asks.

She looks down towards the floor and doesn't answer.

"Kate, tell me you didn't chose the job over Castle?" Ryan pleads.

"Ryan, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. How am I supposed to pass it up?"

Esposito can take no more "You're kidding me right…. You're telling me a job offer is more important than the man who has not left your side the past 5 years… A man who put his life in danger repeatedly saving yours… A man who just a week ago stayed with you while you stood on a bomb with seconds left until he solved the password to save you… You're telling me working for the AG's Office is worth throwing that away?"

Knowing her well enough that she is not going to respond, the boys leave out the break room and head for the elevator, not saying another word to her. Sure, she is/was their friend but Castle has become important to them too. They cannot believe she just gave up probably the most important person in her life.

_The Medical Examiner's Office_

She enters the morgue to find her friend sitting by her desk looking over some files. "Hey Lanie" Kate starts "Do you have a minute?"

Lanie lifts her head up taking a good look at her friend. She can tell by the puffiness in her eyes that she had been crying. She also looks thoroughly exhausted as if she has gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. She starts walking over to Beckett "Girl what's going on? Are you Okay?

"Yes, No, I don't know" is all Beckett can say.

Confused Lanie asks "Does this have to do with writer-boy?"

"Kind of" Kate starts then continues "He proposed Lanie."

She is just about to shriek when she looks into Kate's face and can tell this is not a good thing. "If he proposed… why do you look the way you do? Shouldn't you be happy? After all it was just a few days ago you came in here not knowing where your relationship was going."

Kate takes a deep breath and then responds "I said no"

"You said what?" Lanie asks in disbelief.

"Lanie I was offered the job in DC and decided to accept it?"

"Kate, you could have both…. You know as well as I do that man would follow you anywhere."

"I can't Lanie… This job is certain… and Castle, well he isn't."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Lanie he has two failed marriages, I know they are not all his fault but still I just can't take that chance."

"Are you going to tell me that Castle is not worth the risk? After everything that man has done for you."

Kate is just about to respond when Lanie holds up her hand "No what it is your life and your decision… if you truly believe this job is more important… I'm not going to argue with you, but I think you are making a terrible mistake. Now if you'll excuse me I have some work to finish." And with that Lanie turns away and heads back to her desk.

_Castle's Loft_

He has no idea how he made it here. The last thing he remembers is her saying no. His heart felt like it broke into a million pieces. She has chosen the job opportunity in DC over him. He feels so stupid… he honestly thought she loved him and wanted the same thing. Wasn't it her who asked him a couple of weeks ago where they were headed. Of course he understood her meaning, but chose to play it off. He knew what he wanted then…. Kate, marriage, kids. He didn't answer her because he was afraid she wasn't ready yet. And her behavior at the time kind of confirmed it… the kiss with Vaughn…. Hiding her conversation with Agent Stack…. Keeping the interview from him. All these should have been signs that although she questioned him… she was not totally committed herself. Just then he phone buzzes, he looks down to see that it is not the person he hoped… it was Espo. As much as he wanted to pick up he lets it go to voicemail. He is hurting and would not be able to talk. Minutes later his phone goes off again… this time Ryan. It continues for the next hour when he now has Lanie calling. "I guess Kate broke the news to everybody" he says to himself. Still he refuses to answer.

He heads over to his office grabbing the bottle of Beau James Whiskey he had stashed. He sits at his desk pouring himself a rather large glass before taking out the engagement ring in his pocket. He stares at it for a while as if it could give him the answers he needs before placing it in his desk and downing the glass. It burns on the way down but he hopes it will numb the pain. He knows getting drunk is not the answer so he decides on one more glass before stashing it back.

Heading into his bedroom he sighs looking around. Everything here reminds him of her. Her elephant figure sitting on her night stand. Her clothes lying in a pile with his. Even her cherry scent still fills the air. God, he misses her. He feels tears coming on but fights to hold them back telling himself "this is what she wanted." He enters his closet grabbing a box and starts packing her stuff up. He knows the sooner it is out of site, the sooner he can forget about her.

_DC –Two Months Later_

Kate enters her apartment feeling exhausted. The job had not turned out to be what she thought it was going to be. At first it was new and exciting she got to work alongside different agencies, travel all over the country, and work on cases other than homicides. But that wore off fast. She also found out there is a lot more power work , a lot more channels to go through, not much time to yourself and most of the cases involve internal investigations within the Justice Department. So much for the belief that by taking this job she would be helping more people.

On top of that she was lonely. She missed New York, the 12th, the boys, Lanie, her farther and mostly Castle. She hadn't heard from or seen him since that swings. The boys also quit talking to her. They would only say something to her when they had too. Hell, they didn't even attend her going away party. The only people who she could talk to were her farther and Lanie. Jim Beckett called her once a week to see how she was doing. Their conversation usually lasting about an hour and stayed away from a certain writer unless brought up by her. During one bad week she actually asked him if he ever saw Castle. Startled by her question he told her he saw him once. Castle came to the house to return some photos of Johanna he discovered while cleaning up his office. She was upset when he told her that Rick didn't ask about her or her job. But then again why should he? She was the one who ended things.

Lanie called maybe every other week depending if work let her. Anytime she asked Kate how she was doing it was always the same fine. She also would not bring up Castle unless Kate initiated it. From time to time she asked if anybody heard from him…which Lanie replied "no". She told Kate the guys tried repeatedly to talk to him and even showed up at his loft trying to get him to work on cases with them… but he wouldn't. He apologized and said everything at the 12th reminded him of her.

The nights were even worse… she was so used to having him next to her. She thought after a while she would be able to sleep alone again, but she couldn't. And when she was able to sleep… her mind kept going back to the swing set. She knows now that she made the wrong choice, but she was determined to stick with it.

_New York – Two Months Later_

Rick Castle has spent the last two months burying his hurt and pain finishing his final Nikki Heat novel Crowning Heat. His is scheduled for a meeting tomorrow with Gina and Black Pawn to go over details regarding it. Out of respect and the years she has given to him as his agent, Rick has called Paula (his agent) and let her know about the bomb he is about to drop. Although not happy about it… she said she would support him. It took everything in him to finish the final Nikki Heat book and fulfill his contract. Nobody realizes how hard it is to try and write a story based on somebody who decided a job was more important than you. He wanted to give Nikki and Rook the happy ending that He and Kate did not, but he couldn't and the story ended up paralleling real life. After finishing he decided his life needed a major change…. He could not continue it when everything reminded him of her.

That morning he entered Black Pawn Publishing's office building knowing that Gina was not going to like what was about to happen. Exiting the elevator he was greeted warmly by her secretary Carol "Good morning Mr. Castle."

Smiling he responded kindly "Good morning Carol, I hope you are having a good day."

"I am thanks… Ms. Cowell will be with you shortly."

Ten minutes later Gina came out of her office "Hello Richard."

"Hello Gina."

Leading him over to the conference room to meet with the others she adds "I'm surprised you finished way ahead of your deadline…. Maybe know that your detective is gone you can focus on your writing and not on her?"

Castle has to bite his tongue; he really wanted to say something then and there but decided it would be better when he made his announcement in front of everybody.

After greeting everyone and going overall the basics Gina decided to get into the heart of the matter.

"Richard, since you are no longer wasting your time playing cop… as your publisher I am letting you know now that you will be going on tour to promote Crowning Heat."

Castle takes a minute gathering himself knowing that what he is about to say will knock the wind out of her. He clears his throat and continues "Actually Gina I will not be doing any book signings or promotional tours for Crowning Heat."

"What? Richard you have a contract and you will do what I tell you if you expect to have it extended."

"No Gina, I have fulfilled my contract with this last Nikki Heat novel… there is nothing in my contract saying I will need to promote it and as for extending it…. I am officially announcing my retirement."

The whole room erupts into chaos. Gina can barely speak "Wh... Wh... What do you mean retire?"

He smiles as he looks at her "It means that I am finished, I no longer intend to write anymore."

She continues to stare at him before asking "Does Paula know about this?"

"Yes she does… and she said she supported my decision. But before I leave there is one more thing you are going to do for me."

**A/N: For those of you who have been following A Castle Falling, don't worry I plan on finishing it soon. I just got this idea in my head for a new story and decided to go with it. I hope you enjoy.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Castle's Loft_

He had just gotten back from his meeting with Gina and boy did he feel good. He knew she would not be happy… but it is his life… he can do with it what he wants. He never thought he would give up writing… it was his life for a majority of his 42 years. The last two months struggling to finish the last Nikki Heat novel showed him it was time for a change. This was step one in changing his life. Step two was not going to be as easy. Taking out his phone he placed two phone calls… one his mother and two his daughter.

Alexis and Martha both made it to the loft within an hour. When he called them he informed them he had something important to tell them, but would not elaborate on the phone. He guides them to the living room having them both take a seat on the couch. He paces thinking about how to drop on them the changes taking place without sounding as if he is off his rocker.

Panic starts setting for Alexis as she waits for him to start. Not able to take it any longer she asks "Dad, you didn't call us here to tell us that you were diagnosed with some sort of illness… did you?"

"No Alexis my health is fine."

She thinks for a minute then continues "So are we here to find out that you killed off Nikki or Rook?"

"Um kind of… actually I'm retiring Richard Castle."

Alexis and Martha look at each other confused before returning their attention and ask in unison "What?"

"The reason I have asked you both here is that I am making some major changes with my life that will have an effect on everybody. First I am retiring from writing. When Crowning Heat is released next month there will be no appearances or signings… there will simply be an announcement from Paula through me. The paparazzi will be everywhere trying to find me… everybody knows who Richard Edgar Castle is not many know Richard Alexander Rodgers. "

Martha speaks up "I do not understand what you're trying to tell us."

"After today… I will legally go back to my given name, and with the help of my attorney no one will be able to trace it back to Richard Castle."

Still looking at him as if he were crazy both Alexis and Martha nod in response.

He then pulls out two envelopes walking towards his mother first… placing it in her hands. "Go ahead and open it mother."

Martha pulls out the papers inside looking over them before looking back up giving him a questioning look. "Richard, what is this?"

"It's a two bedroom loft I purchased for you next to both your studio and Columbia… so that Alexis can stay with you when she wants."

"Why would I need my own loft?"

"Yeah dad, why would I need to stay with grams?"

"I am selling the loft… it goes on the market next week."

To say that Martha and Alexis were shocked would be an understatement. Alexis finding her voice begins "Are you crazy or is this some midlife crisis?"

"Alexis, I am too young to be going through a midlife crisis."

"So why are you selling the loft… and where will you live?" she asks.

He takes a minute before replying "Look this place and New York has been good to me, but there have also been things here that remind me of the bad… "

"You mean Beckett, don't you?"

"Well that is one thing but there are other things I would like to forget… and the best way for me to do that is to start new… somewhere else."

"So where are you going to go…. please tell me you are not moving to DC for her?"

"What? No… you both are probably going to laugh when I tell you where I'm going."

"Where?"

He smiles "North Carolina… more specific Ocracoke Island."

"Richard why would you want to move there… after all you have the beach house in the Hamptons?"

"Had Mother… I had the beach house in the Hamptons that is also being placed on the market next week. As for why Ocracoke… I don't know I fell in love with it there back when I was in college and took Kyra there for two weeks."

"Dad, you sure you're not going through a midlife crisis? You're not only selling the loft but also the house in the Hamptons… is there anything else you plan to sell?"

He looks at his daughter before answering. "Alexis, I swear I'm not going through I midlife crisis... but I also am selling to Old Haunt."

"Wow" is all Martha can say.

After everything has settled, Rick takes the second envelope and hands it to his daughter. She opens it looking it over before looking up at him "I don't understand… what is this?"

"It is sort of like a trust fund… but you won't have to wait to reach a certain age to have access to it. It's for whenever you need it. It contains more than enough money for you to receive your bachelor's, master's and doctorate combined if you so choose to do so. "

Tears forming in her eyes she is barely able to get out "Dad, I don't know what to say."

"Alexis, you don't have to say anything… just know that I am proud of you."

Getting off the couch and wrapping him in a hug she asks "So when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

_Ocracoke Island NC_

Ten hours after beginning his trip from New York City Richard Rodgers pulls his new BMW off the ferry and onto the Island. Although long, the ride had been enjoyable. Stopping just to fill up and a drive threw for lunch, he has just enough time to make five o'clock appointment. He is supposed to meet a local realtor to look at a few of the beach cottages located on the west side of the island facing the Atlantic Ocean.

Debbie Smith is waiting for her five o'clock appointment. She has not met him in person but had spoken to him two days ago over the phone. All she knows is that he is from New York and looking to relocate down here. She checks her watch one last time when a grey colored BMW pulls up in front of her car. Out steps what she would describe as a handsome man maybe early 40's. He has short blonde hair and blue eyes. He is dressed in a plain form fitting blue t-shirt, cargo shorts and deck shoes. She steps out of her car and approaches him. "Hi I'm Debbie Smith" she states.

"Nice to meet you Ms. Smith, I'm Richard Rodgers" he says giving her what she would have to describe as the most beautiful smiles she has seen.

"Should we get started?" she asks.

"After you' he replies.

_Two Months Later – Washington DC_

Kate Beckett lays in bed not ready to get up just quite yet. This is one of the few days she has been off and wants to enjoy it. Things have pretty much been the same since she left New York 4 months ago. Although receiving praise from Agent Stack and the higher echelon for her performance… she really receives no satisfaction from it. It's nothing like that of seeing the face of the victim's family when you informed them you caught the killer. She can now admit she jumped the gun when taking the job and made the most regrettable mistake of her life. She gave up everything that was important to her, and for what?

The boys still refuse to take her calls; Lanie doesn't call as often anymore, and Castle…. Well what is there to say? He was her everything … she feels like she is heading right down that rabbit hole once again and this time he is not there to save her. She hasn't heard from him or about him since that God forsaken day she ruined everything. The only thing she does know is he finished the last Nikki Heat book. She saw it in the local book store a month ago while walking home from work. She was so tempted to run in there a buy one, thinking that if she couldn't have him at least she could have his words. But she couldn't do it… she felt she didn't deserve it. Just then she is startled by a knock on her apartment door. Pulling a robe over her pajamas she makes her way over. Looking through the peek hole she notices what appears to be a mail man.

"Can I help you she asks through the door? "

"Yes, I have certified mail for a Ms. Katherine Beckett."

Kate slowly opens the door as he hands her a clip board to sign. Taking the envelope she thanks him before closing the door.

She sees that whatever it is has come from Black Pawn Publishing. Unsure what it could be she opens the envelope and is startled by what she finds. There is a check made out to her for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. She keeps staring at it thinking there must be some kind of mistake. Making her way back to her bedroom she picks up her cell phone and calls a number she hasn't used in four months; Castle's cell phone.

Nervous is one way of describing how she feels as she waits for the line to ring… only it doesn't even do that. It goes right to a message informing her that the number she has dialed is no longer active. Sighing she disconnects and tries his home number… she gets the same recording. Thinking better of calling Alexis, Kate decides to try Martha's cell. This time the line does ring but she is informed that her number has been blocked by the user. "Great she says to herself." But really what does she expect… after how hurt and crushed he looked after her "no"…. did she think his family would ever want to talk to her again. Not being able to get her answer from Castle she knew who she needed to call… and she wasn't looking forward to it.

"Black Pawn Publishing" the receptionist answered "How can I help you?"

"Hello, this is Katherine Beckett… I would like to speak to Gina Cowell if she is available."

"Please Hold" the girl responds and elevator music fills the line. Five minutes have passed and Kate is just about to hang up when the line picks up.

"Gina Cowell speaking"

"Hello Gina, it's Kate Beckett… I was calling with regard to the check for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars I received. I don't understand why I receiving it."

Gina responds somewhat sarcastically "Morning Agent Beckett… the check you have received was authorized by the author as royalties for the Nikki Heat series."

"What? Castle had you do this?"

"Yes Agent Beckett. Per Richard Castle's instructions I issued out checks in the same amount to you, Detective Javier Esposito, Detective Kevin Ryan, Dr. Lanie Parish, and Mrs. Evelyn Montgomery."

Kate is speechless; she doesn't know what to say. Finally hearing Gina's "Agent Beckett are you still there?" Beckett comes back to her senses.

"Yeah Gina I'm still here… just a little shocked that's all. Do you know how I can get ahold of Castle?"

"I'm sorry Agent Beckett, I don't have that information."

"What do you mean you do not have that information? Castle is still under contract with Black Pawn Publishing is he not?

"Was Agent Beckett… Mr. Castle was under contract with Black Pawn Publishing. He decided not to renew his contract."

"What? When? How come" Kate stumbles out?

"I'm sorry Agent Beckett I am not authorized to answer… maybe Paula Haas can." And with that Gina disconnected the call.

Her conversation with Gina has her confused. Yes she understands the check, but why is Castle no longer under contract with Black Pawn. She is determined to find the answer. She scrolls down her contacts knowing she has Paula's number in there somewhere. Finding it, she hits send waiting for it to ring.

She once again gets the receptionist, identifying herself and asking to speak to Ms. Haas. This time the wait isn't long.

"Paula Haas speaking"

"Paula this is Katherine Beckett I was wondering if you had a minute."

"Kate, it is good to hear from you… I hope everything is fine in DC."

"Yes it is (she lies), the reason I'm calling is I am trying to get ahold of Castle. I spoke with Gina and she said you might be able to help."

"I really don't think that is a real good idea" Paula answers.

"Look, I know I hurt him really bad and if I could take it all back I would Paula… I truly need to talk to him."

"Kate, I like you and if I could help you I would… but I honestly don't know where he is."

"How do you not know where he is? You're his agent."

"Kate, I was his agent… past tense."

"Paula what is going on… first Gina tells me she was his publisher… now you are telling me you were his agent?"

"You haven't read Crowning Heat… have you?"

"Um no… but what has that got to do with anything?"

Sighing Paula continues "Kate if you read the book you would know that Richard Castle announced his retirement."

"His what?" is all she can get out?

"Kate, when castle finished the heat series he phoned and informed me that he just couldn't do it anymore. After over twenty years and just as many best sellers… he told me he was done. He had a meeting with Gina the next day and was letting her know that he was finished."

She is stunned but adds "Thanks Paula" before ending their call. She sits on her bed and tears start running down her face. Before long she is sobbing uncontrollably. In her mind she thinks this is my entire fault. I caused this… I took away what was most important to him… his ability to write. After what seems like an eternity, Kate gets up and heads for the shower. She is determined to make things right and hopefully win back that which should have been most important to her.

First thing first she calls the number for Captain Victoria Gates. After a couple of rings she hears the woman answer. "Captain Gates, it's Kate Beckett. I was calling to see if it was possible to get my job back at the 12th."

Gates is surprised by Beckett's call; she really thought Kate would have found her calling with the AG's Office. Although it certainly would be nice to have your best homicide detective return. After making sure this is what Beckett truly wants, she informs her that her position hadn't been filled and she is welcome to come back. "So when should we expect you?" she asks.

"I'm going to head to the office now and tender my resignation. After that there are just a few things I need to do… so I'll report for duty on Monday Sir."

She ends her call with Gates grabs her badge and gun and heads off to the AG's Office to speak with Agent Stack.

"Agent Beckett are you sure this is what you want to do? In the four months you have been here you're work has been impeccable."

"Agent Stack do you remember what you asked me back in New York?" He nods and she continues "You asked where I saw myself in five years. I knew what I wanted then… but was afraid to admit it. I saw myself with Castle, married and children. I had a chance to have exactly what I wanted and I threw it all away for this job. I may not get it back, but I'm going to do everything in my power to try."

Knowing there is nothing left for him to say to change her mind; he shakes her hand and wishes her the best.

Heading back to her apartment to pack, Kate calls Washington National Airport to book herself on the next available flight to New York. She stops as she passes the book store, heading in the grab a copy of Crowning Heat. Before continuing she opens it to the dedication:

_To All My Fans, Thank You For The Last 21 Years._

**A/N: Not sure I'm totally happy how this chapter turned out. I knew where I wanted to go with it… but just couldn't get there. I hope you enjoy.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Ocracoke Island NC – 2 months later_

Richard Rodgers began his day just like every other since he relocated to the island two months ago. He got up at 7 am, threw on a pair of shorts and running shoes and went for his daily run. Once out of his 2 bedroom cottage on Ocean View Drive he heads towards Irvin Garrish Highway making a left and heading for the beach. As he runs his mind begins to wonder and he keeps asking himself if he is doing the right thing. On one side everything has been going well. He is no longer worried about meeting deadlines or keeping up the playboy persona for the public… he has just been able to relax and be himself. But the other side is telling him he is no better than Kate and is just running away from his problems. One top of that he misses his daughter and mother. The past two months have been the longest he has gone without seeing them. He talks to Alexis every other day using the burner phone he purchased. But it's not enough. Even though she is now twenty and a grown woman… she will always be his baby girl. He talks to Martha at least once a week, making sure everything is going fine with her and his daughter. He has asked them both the come down and visit but the both have been busy… Alexis with college, Martha with her acting school. An hour later returning from his five mile run, he still doesn't know whether he is doing the right thing. Heading upstairs for a shower, he looks at himself in the mirror… barely recognizing the person staring back at him. Since taking up running he has lost at least twenty pounds. He always was somewhat built, but now that he has slimmed down… he is tanned and toned. He has also added a goatee to go along with his now short blonde hair.

Outside of running, he has become friends with his neighbors Pat and George and has gone out with them fishing. Never an outdoors man or a patient one (usually being referred to as a 9 years old on a sugar rush) it has taken him some time, but he is actually enjoying it. Although not needing to work… he has taken a job bartending part-time over at Howard's Pub. It gets him out of the house a couple of nights a week. He is still a people person and enjoys talking to the tourist who come in and hearing their story. The only drawbacks are the women constantly hitting on him… leaving them their numbers. One would think that a former millionaire playboy enjoyed women throwing themselves at him… and five years ago he might have taken some of these women up on their offers. But since Kate… that person has been long gone. He knows he is free to see whomever he wants… but he is still in love with her, the woman who broke his heart four months ago.

_Washington National Airport – DC_

Kate has been sitting reading Crowning Heat while waiting to be called for her flight back to New York. She has to fight back tears as she sees Nikki and Rooks lives paralleling hers and Castles. It's all in there from Nikki letting herself be kissed by the millionaire she is supposed to be protecting, the job offer from the federal agent they assisted with a case, the interview she hid and finally Nikki turning down Rook's proposal for the job. Reading this made her realize how much Castle loved her. Even with everything she did… he wanted to marry her. God was she stupid.

She calls her father quickly before boarding her flight. "Hey dad" she greets him.

"Katie, it's good to hear from you. Is everything alright?"

"I'd rather not get into on the phone. Can you pick me up at LaGuardia in about an hour?"

"Okay honey, I'll see you then."

_LaGuardia Airport – NY_

She arrives back in New York with in hour. Exiting off the plane she tells herself it is good to be home. Her father is standing in the baggage claim area waiting for her. Seeing him she quickens her stride and wraps in a big hug.

"What was that for?" Jim asks

"Nothing, I just missed you dad"

Claiming her bags and getting into the vehicle he asks "So, do you want to tell me why I received a call from my daughter asking me to come pick her up from the airport at 10 pm on a Friday night?"

She is embarrassed but replies "I… I quit my job."

His response is not what she expected "Katie, that doesn't surprise me."

"What? You're not ashamed of me for giving up?

Jim gives her a serious look "Actually I'm shocked it took you four months. That day at the diner, when you told me about it and that it was what you wanted… I knew you were making a mistake. You had everything you needed here… a great job you enjoyed, friends, family and a man that loved you."

"Why didn't you say something then?"

"Why? Katie you have always been stubborn. How many times have I told you to do one thing and you have done the opposite? And I did say something… I told you that your relationship with Rick was the longest you have ever been in one and when you get scared you bury yourself in the job. But the bottom line is it is your life… your decision?"

"You were right dad… about everything. I got scared, jumped at the job offer and in the end I was miserable and lost everything that was important to me; my friends, my family and Rick."

"What are you going to do about it?" he asks

"I have already talked to Captain Gates at the 12th and she is letting me have my job back. I start on Monday; while I'm there I'm going to rebuild my friendships with Lanie, Ryan and Esposito. I'm just praying I haven't damaged them beyond repair."

"What about Rick?"

"I'm going to have to find him… today I received royalties check for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars from the Nikki Heat series. I tried calling him but was told his phones were no longer in service. His mother blocked my number and his former publisher and agent said he retired and they didn't know where he was."

"Wow… two hundred and fifty thousand dollars"

"I know … I was shocked… and then I found out he also gave the same amount to Lanie, Ryan, Esposito and Montgomery's widow Evelyn." Taking a minute to gather her thoughts "it's not going to be easy and they probably won't have anything to do with me, but I was going to go see Martha and Alexis tomorrow."

"You're right they might not, but if something is worth it… you need to fight for it… and we both know that Rick is worth it."

After finishing their conversation, they head off for her father's house. Here she will be staying until she is able to find a place of her own. They enter and she makes her way up stairs to her childhood bedroom. Her father calls out "Until tomorrow Katie." Stopping in her tracks she turns looking back at him.

"What? He asks

"Um… nothing… goodnight dad (but hearing that saying reminds her of Castle and how much she misses him).

_Lanie's Apartment _

She wakes up feeling better than she has in over four months. Although nervous, she knows this is the first step in regaining her life. She makes it over to one feisty medical examiners apartment… getting ready to have her ass handed to her. Taking in a deep breath she knocks on her door. A few minutes later the door opens and she comes face to face with Lanie. She smiles shyly adding a "Hey Lanie." She gets one of Lanie's death glares before the medical examiner says "Kate Beckett it's about time you got here, now get your skinny butt inside."

She slowly enters and Lanie leads her over to the living room couch. As both of them take a seat she faces Kate stating "So".

Kate looks her in the eyes "You were right… I made a terrible mistake."

"Wow that is a first, Kate Beckett finally admitting she's made a mistake."

"Lanie" Kate whines

"And" Lanie adds

"And I quit my job and am starting back at the 12th on Monday. I'm hoping to re-establish my friendship with Ryan, Espo and you."

"I already knew you were coming back, Gates talked to Ryan and Esposito to see if they had a problem with it. As for us, Kate there is nothing to re-establish… we will always be friends… even though you don't listen to me."

"Thanks Lanie… so the boys are fine with me returning?"

"I'm not going to lie to you Kate; they were both hurt by what you did. You're decision not only affected you but everyone around you. They lost both a sister and a brother when you left. Although they told Gates they were fine with you returning… it's going to take time and a lot of work from yourself to repair what you damaged."

"I understand and I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

"So… you got your job back, you going to work on getting the boys back… what about Castle?"

A sad expression crosses her face "Of course I want him back. Lanie I was so stupid… I got scared and I ran like always do. I would give anything to go back to that day on the swings and tell him yes. The question is how I am going to find him. "

"I know what you mean girl; everybody has been trying to find him since the yesterday, Me, Javi, and Kevin… even Evelyn Montgomery showed up at the precinct looking for him. He sold the loft, the house in the Hamptons and the Old Haunt. It's like he fell of the face of the earth."

Shocked all Kate can get out is "He did what?"

"Yeah, Ryan and Espo did some checking and found out. They were just as shocked to find out as you."

Kate thinks for a minute "I don't know if they will even talk to me, but I know two fiery redheads who know something."

"Do you really think that is a good idea, I know you want him back but you broke the man's heart Kate. You are the last person Martha and Alexis is going to want to see….. Why don't I see if they will talk to the boys?"

"No Lanie, if I'm ever going to have another chance with Castle… I'm going to have to try and patch things up with them."

"Alright, but it's your funeral… call me later and let me know how it went."

_Columbia University_

She nervously sits outside on a bench waiting for her former partner's daughter to return. Ten minutes earlier she knocked on her door bracing herself for what ever happened. To her surprise Alexis' roommate answered the door letting her know that she was at the library but called and said she would be back soon. Another fifteen minutes passed and Kate wonders if the roommate was telling anything just to get rid of her. Just then she catches a glimpse of the girl heading her way.

Noticing Kate on the bench Alexis slowly walks up to her "Agent Beckett, what are you doing here?"

"Alexis, I know you probably hate me for everything I've done… but I'm here to try and make things right."

"I don't hate you Kate… and what do you mean, you are here to make things right?"

"I…I made a terrible mistake choosing the job offer in DC over your father. I quit the job… I'm back in New York and am asking you to help me… I really need to talk to him."

She may not hate her, but she feels her anger rising "You made a mistake… Kate you broke his heart… and now you think you can just come back and everything is going to be fine. What are you thinking… there is no way I'm going to help you."

"Alexis please… I screwed up… I got scared and I ran… I love your dad and will do anything to get him back."

"You got scared… You don't think he was scared, have you forgotten his two failed marriages? I've never seen him that in love as he was with you… And you crushed him. I can't see you hurt him anymore. I can forgive once, but you have done it repeatedly… So no Kate I will not help you." With that the redhead turns and quickly walks away.

Sighing Kate gets up and walks back to her father's car. Maybe she will have better luck with Martha.

_Martha's Loft- West 83__rd__ and West End Ave._

Twenty minutes later Kate has made it over to Martha's loft. Once again she steadies herself before knocking on the door. A minute later the door is open and she hears her familiar voice "Hello Katherine."

She looks as if she was expecting her and figured Alexis has already clued her in "Hi Martha, can I come in?"

"By all means" she replies as she leads Kate over to the couch. "Can I offer you something to drink; coffee, Tea, Wine?"

"No I'm fine Martha."

"So dear… should we get right to the point of why you're here?"

"I'm guessing you have already received a call from Alexis." Getting a nod from the older woman she continues "I know I'm the last person you wanted to see and I have no right to ask… But I am asking for your help. I really need to talk to you son."

The older woman looks her over and announces "I think we need a drink before we continue." Martha gets up and heads for the kitchen. She returns with two wine glasses handing one to Kate. Taking a drink the older woman places her glass on the coffee table, Kate follows suite.

Martha begins "I have always liked you Katherine and believed you were good for Richard. He changed, he grew up, became a better person and I have you to thank for that. But you also hurt him… terribly. I've never seen him love a person as much as he had you. I've never seen him as devastated after you chose the job in DC over him. So, tell my why … why you broke his heart and chose DC?

"I know my actions have not shown it but I have never loved anyone the way I love Rick. I have never been good with relationships… being with your son is the longest I have been with somebody. I got scared Martha… when I get scared I run. I made a terrible mistake I ran jumped at the offer. I ruined everything that was important to me; my friends, my family – you and Alexis, and last the man I love. The past four months have been the worst of my life. I'm here hoping to make things right… I quit my job and am trying to repair everything I've broken.

"Kate, I appreciate your honesty…. And I really wish I could help you but I can't. I get that you were scared… and you ran, but that doesn't justify your actions. You really hurt him. He was more devastated than he was during his two divorces combined. "Looking over she watches Kate's reaction… seeing tears start to form in her eyes, Martha really feels bad for her and can tell she loves her son. "I can't make any promises Kate, but I'll see if he is willing to talk to you the next time he calls."

Giving the older woman a small smile she replies "Thank you Martha." Following her back to the door she responds "I'm staying at my dad's." Saying their goodbyes Martha closes the door.

Later on that evening Martha's phone rings, seeing his number she picks up "Hello Richard."

"Hello mother"

"Richard there is something important I need to tell you."

"That's good… there is something I wanted to tell you too."

**A/N: Not sure I really like this chapter… wanted to address how Castle was adjusting (all know how much his family means to him). I also needed Kate back in NY trying to mend fences. Next chapter picks up at the 12****th****.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Martha's Loft_

"So tell me mother what is your big news" asks Rick.

She wonders if she should tell him the truth. He has sounded so much better on the phone since leaving. But if she didn't tell and Alexis let it slip… he would be upset with her. Taking a deep breath she just lets it out "Katherine is back in New York."

She hears silence on the other end… "Richard, are you still there?"

He had locked up after hearing his mother. That was not what he expected to hear. Her getting the lead in some play or maybe having a new boyfriend …Yes. That Kate Beckett was back in New York… No. Gaining his sense back he answers his mother "Yes mother I'm still here."

He thinks for a second then asks "How do you know she is back in the city?"

"She was at my loft this afternoon darling… and before that she paid a visit to Alexis."

"Why?"

"My understanding is that she miserable the whole time she was in DC and admitted she made a terrible mistake…"

She is cut off by her son whose anger is starting to rise "She's damn right she made a terrible mistake!"

"Richard, please calm yourself down and let me continue. Anyway, she told me that she quit her job and has come back to New York to attempt to re-establish her relationships with everyone important to her that she threw away when taking the job."

"Really, she thinks she can just waltz back into town and everyone is going to forgive her? It's more like wishful thinking if you ask me."

"Richard… she is admitting she was wrong… everybody deserves a second chance."

"Maybe Lanie and the boys can forgive her but I know one person who won't."

"Look kiddo, I know you're still hurting… but you and I both know you still love that girl."

"I didn't say anything about love I said forgive…. How many times am I supposed to let her hurt me, lie to me, keep secrets from me… and just forgive her?"

"She may not be perfect, and I don't justify her actions… but she loves you Richard"

Getting aggravated again he adds "Well she sure has a hell of a way of showing it."

Seeing that she getting nowhere with his son she states "I'm not saying that you two should kiss and make up… all she wants is to talk to you. If you have seen how down she looked…"

"How she looked… what about how I looked after she said "NO" and broke my heart into pieces? How about that mother? So seeing how you are talking to her you can tell her from me I'll talk to her when hell freezes over."

"Richard Alexander Rodgers, I know I did not raise you to be like that." He doesn't answer her and she is afraid that he has hung up on her. "Richard" no response, she tries again "Richard" still no response… she is just about to hang up when he replies.

"Can we just change the subject…? I don't think I can talk about this anymore… right now."

"Okay Richard, but just think of what I told you."

"I will mother, now the reason I was calling you has to let you know I am coming to New York to visit both you and Alexis."

"That's wonderful, we both have missed you terribly… when are you planning on coming?"

"I have missed the both of you too… and seeing how you're schedules will not allow the two of you down here… I decided to come up there. I was planning on coming up next week."

"Are you going to drive up or are you planning on flying?" she asks

"I was planning on flying up … there is a local airport here that can fly me to Norfolk International and I could jump on a connector flight to LaGuardia."

"I take it you will be staying at my loft with me?"

"I'm not sure mother, I have enjoyed that fact the Richard Castle is gone… nobody knows Richard Rodgers… what if the paparazzi is around?"

"Richard, neither I nor Alexis have seen them since the month after your last book came out announcing your retirement. Last I saw in the papers everyone thinks you're hiding out outside of the country. Besides, you were nice enough to buy this place for me the least I can do is having you stay when you are in town."

"Alright… I'll stay with you. Just make sure I don't walk in on some naked gentleman again."

"Richard"

_12__th__ Precinct_

She is nervous as she enters the elevator heading up to the homicide division. Although it has only been four months… it seems like it was a lifetime ago. Everything has changed and even though she knows it is her fault… she really doesn't know what to expect when the elevator doors open. Will every one treat the same before she left? Will they see her as not being able to cut it with the AG's Office? And what about the boys, did Gates even ask them if they wanted her back? Regardless of the answers… there was no more time to think about it… she heard the ding and doors opened. She timidly makes her way around the corner to the hallway leading to her desk. She is surprised when most of the uniforms and detectives smile at her and welcome her back. As she gets closer she sees them for the first time in four months.

Ryan and Esposito are sitting at their desks working on completing the paperwork for their last case. They know she is going to be walking out the elevator doors any minute making her way over to them. When Gates came to them Friday morning, notifying them of her conversation with Beckett and her decision to bring her back… she asks the boys if it would be a problem. She even offered to place her with a different team if it would be… but both Espo and Ryan said they were fine working with her. That weekend both detectives went out to Castle's old bar to decide how they were going to handle the situation.

Espo started "I don't mind her coming back and part of our team, we both know she is probably one of the best detectives in the country…. But I just don't know if I trust her…. Look at what we lost from her actions?"

"I agree Javi… We would be crazy not to have her back, but you're right look at everything we lost… Not only someone we considered a big sister, but also the man that made things fun around here."

"So Ryan, how do you want to handle it on Monday?"

Ryan thinks it over… he is torn… Kate will always be a big sister to him; after all she showed him the ropes when he first was assigned to homicide. He wishes they could all be friends again… but he doesn't trust her… she also threw away everything for some job offer in DC… Finally he answers "I really don't know… what do you think?"

It doesn't even take him a minute to decide "Professional, but cold". To him she doesn't deserve anything else… she hurt him the most by her decision to leave for some in his opinion bull shit job in DC. Everything she needed was right here… friends, family, and love. If it was easy for her to give that up… then it would be easy to treat her like shit.

Beckett finally reaches her desk and team "Morning Ryan and Esposito".

They just briefly look up at her and nod. So it begins she said to herself. It isn't long before Captain Gates sticks her heard out of the office "Detective Beckett, I need you in my office for a minute."

"Yes Sir" she responds making her way over, closing the door after she enters.

"Beckett it is good to see you again, and welcome back… here is your shield and your weapon. You can pick up your car at the motor pool."

"It's good to be back where I belong, Sir."

"Well then I'll let you to it… right now your team doesn't have a case… you may want to get yourself situated" at that Gates nods to Ryan and Esposito.

Kate exits Gates office and heads back over to her desk. She tries again with the boys "So guys how have things been going?"

Not even bothering to look up at her, they reply in unison "Fine."

This is going to be a lot harder than she thought. Maybe if she apologized… "Look I'm sorry I kept the job offer from the both of you…"

She doesn't get any farther as Espo gets up taking his paperwork down to filing ignoring her completely. After he is out of sight she tries to get through to Ryan.

"Ryan, I mean it I'm sorry about…"

She once again isn't allowed to finish… not even looking up at her, her holds his hand up motioning for her to stop while shaking his head. He then continues with his paperwork.

Knowing she is not going to get anywhere for now, she gets up and makes her way down to the morgue.

_The Medical Examiner's Office_

Lanie is in the morgue working on a victim for another team when Kate makes her way in. "Hey Lanie"

"Welcome back Detective Beckett"

"Really, you can't call me Kate"

"I take it things aren't going so well upstairs"

Kate lets out a breath "No, not exactly"

Seeing her friend looking down in the dumps she continues "Okay tell me"

"Well Gates and everybody else have seemed to welcome me back… but the boys won't give me the time of day."

"Kate, what were you expecting?"

"I know Lanie… believe me I knew I wasn't going to win back my friendship with them right away, but they aren't even letting me try."

"I'm sorry to say this girl, but you just might not be able to. You hurt them really bad with the decisions you made. Their big sister told them a job was more important than them. You also took away Castle. I know he was your boyfriend… but he was just as important to those two upstairs."

Just the mention of his name almost causes Beckett to sob. She fights back the tears and Lanie gives in and walks over to embrace her friend.

"Honey, I wish I could say that everything is going to work out… but I would be lying. I don't know if you'll be able to fix everything you have caused. All I can tell you is to not give up… just keep trying."

She pulls herself together "Thanks Lanie… for everything."

"Anytime girl, you know where to find me if you need me."

Unfortunately for Kate things continued… everyday she would try and talk to the boys…everyday they would shut her down. If it wasn't for the two Jack shot Jill over Bill cases they were assigned… she doubts they would have talked to her at all. At least the cases caused some interaction… even if it was usually a _just the facts _conversation.

By the end of the week she was at the end of her rope. If it wasn't for Lanie being the friends she was… Beckett thinks she might have just quit. She decided once and for all they were going to at least all her to apologize. She caught them while they were alone in the break room. Closing the door she began.

"Esposito, Ryan I know I've hurt both of you with the decisions I've made… I am truly sorry. My decision to take the job offer in DC… damaged a lot; friendships, partnerships and even trust. I know my coming back might not be able to fix everything I have caused. If I could got back four months ago… I would. I would have turned down the job offer… I would have stayed here at the 12th with the both of you… I would have said yes to Castle…"

Espo speaks up "Wait a minute… what do you mean you would have said yes to Castle?

Oh, she thought Lanie had told them he proposed to her. "Um… that day… I met with him. I honestly thought he was breaking up with me… for keeping secrets from him… well he proposed…."

Ryan answers for her "And you said no."

Kate repeats him "I said no"

Espo shakes his head "How could you do that Kate? How long have I worked with you? In all that time I've never seen you so happy and in love… And you turn that down for some bull shit job."

"Espo, I know I made a terrible mistake… I don't know why I threw away my one chance for happiness. All I can say is that I got scared and ran like I always do."

"Kate, you don't think he was scared… I mean come on the guy had two failed marriages. But still he thought you were worth taking the risk… and what do you do… you break his heart, so bad that he wants nothing to do with anybody. Ryan and I tried repeatedly to get him to talk to us, go out with us, and even assist us on a case. He wouldn't come near us… kept apologizing saying it wasn't us…. Just everything reminded him of you."

She was not expecting Espo response… not prepared for it, she breaks down in tears sobbing. Wanting nothing more to comfort her… he can't, not yet. He is still angry with her… and she has a long ways to go to earn back his trust. Espo gathers his coffee and heads out of the break room.

Ryan is still there… he has heard everything both Kate and Espo has said. He knows his friend still cares about her, but it is going to take some time. Feeling for her and not wanting to just leave her alone… he walks up to her placing a hand on her shoulder. "Beckett, it's not like we don't care about you or want you here… it's just going to take us some time." She gives him a thankful nod… as he exits he calls down to Lanie asking her to come up and check on Kate.

_La Guardia Airport_

Two anxious redheads are waiting at the baggage claim area on a Saturday evening for a man they haven't seen in two months. Alexis is starting to get worried when she feels somebody tapping on her shoulder. Her grandmother points to one of the last passengers making his way down to them. To say she is shocked would be a gross understatement. The man walking to them looks nothing like he did two months ago when he called them to the loft. Gone is his sandy brown fop hair due replaced with short blondish hair and a matching goatee. He has to be at least twenty five pounds lighter… all toned and tanned. Also gone are the designer dress shirts and pants replaced with a T-shirt, cargo shorts and deck shoes. If she didn't know he was on this flight and looking for him… she would have never noticed him. Deciding not to wait she runs to him… jumping up in his arms she cries "Dad, I missed you so much."

"Smiling and fighting back his own tears he replies "I missed you too pumpkin."

Releasing his daughter, taking her hand in his, they make their way to the older woman… who has not moved still taking in the change in his appearance. He wraps his left arm around her placing a kiss on her cheek "Hello mother."

Not realizing how much she too has missed him… she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling her closer into her embrace "Richard… it is so good to see you kiddo."

After collecting his things he asks "Okay, so what are our plans?"

"Gram and I thought we could go out to eat and then head to her loft to relax and catch up on everything."

"Sounds great, but let's not go anywhere too fancy… as you can see I'm not dressed for it and wouldn't want anybody to notice who I am."

"Dad, I almost didn't recognize you… and I was looking. I don't think anybody will know it's you. But if you're that worried there is a new Chinese restaurant close by grams we could try."

"That sounds great… it has been forever since I've had Chinese."

Martha pipes in "Good God Richard… you mean to tell me they don't have Chinese down there."

"Well mother I'm sure they do on the mainland, but not on my island…. Plus you should know too much Chinese food is not good for you"

"This coming from the man who invented the smor-lette."

Laughing at her response… he decides to be a smart ass "Mother that was Richard Castle…. Not Richard Rodgers."

"Really Richard"

There night continues, everything going well. The Chinese was delicious; conversation at Martha's was great. He knew he missed his girls, but being here really brought it to his attention. Although not wanting to tell him… Alexis accidently let out she was seeing somebody from her trip to Costa Rica. Expecting her father to be the overprotective person he normally is, she is surprised when she is not hit with a thousand questions. Instead he tells her that he is happy for her. Giving him a questionable look he adds "Alexis, although you will always be my baby girl… you are a grown woman able to make her own decisions." The talking continued until late in the evening. Finally worn out he excused himself and headed off to bed. Alone in his room he has mixed feelings about being back in the city. He is glad he is spending time with Martha and Alexis, but he is worried about somebody recognizing him. He has enjoyed the solitary life Ocracoke has provided him. It also helps that Richard Castle is not a common name there. He also worries about running into Kate, Lanie or the boys. After his talk with his mother a week ago… he is as lost as he was 4 months ago. He knows he loves her and will always, but he is not willing to risk even talking to her. As for Lanie and the boys…. He knows what he did to them wasn't right. They had nothing to do with Kate's decision… unfortunately they suffered the fallout. He is only hoping that the checks they received let them know how truly important they are to him. He finally allows the sleep to take him.

_Jim Beckett's Home_

Kate and her father, Jim sits at the table eating dinner. He starts off the conversation "So Katie how has your first week back at the precinct gone?"

Sighing she responds "How do you think it went?"

"Well you had to know it wasn't going to be easy?"

"Dad, I did know… but it made me see just how much damage my leaving has caused. I think if it wasn't for Lanie… I would just give up."

"Hey" he said "That is not the strong- willed, determined, stubborn daughter I know."

"I think I may have lost her… nothing is working Dad. Everybody I have tried to fix things with… won't give me the time of day. The boys are cold and ignore me, Alexis hasn't returned my calls after our visit at Columbia and the only one who has somewhat been nice to me is Martha. Which surprises me considering I broke her son's heart? And on top of all that… I miss him… nothing has been the same without him."

"Katie, I wish I could make everything better for you… but I can't. The only thing I will tell you is to not give up. Keep trying with the boys, with Rick's family and don't give up on trying finding him. Maybe I should have interfered four months ago?"

"I won't give up, I can't… I want everything back… and I'm going to fight for it. You were right… It was my decision back then and I'll just have to fix my mistakes."

After dinner Kate heads up to her room. She wants to be strong, but right now she can't. She silently cries herself to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better?

_7 AM – Martha's Loft_

He might be back in New York, but he still is going to follow his daily routine. He quickly gets up out of bed, slips on a pair of shorts, tank top (after all he is not at the beach), his running shoes and heads out.

_7 AM – Jim Beckett's Home_

She wakes up early, it might be her day off… but she needs to do something. Going for a morning run have always helped her in the past when trying to work things out. She might as well try it now. She quickly throws a pair of shorts, t-shirt and her running shoes and heads out of the house.

**A/N: I guess will all can tell what may happen… Hope you enjoy. New chapter will be up either Monday or Tuesday.**


	5. Chapter 5

Richard Rodgers heads out of his mother's loft and decides to head towards Central Park. He is hoping his morning run will help clear his mind. Coming back home has been both good and bad. Good is spending time with his family. Bad is that since his arrival last night, his mind has not been able to get Kate out of his mind. As soon as his mother told him she was back in New York, back at the 12th, and was here to fix everything her decision cost her including their relationship… he knew it would be the only thing he thought about. He kept asking himself "Do I really want to talk to her? What about meeting up with her? "He still loves and cares about her, but if he was willing to forgive her and give them another shot… could he trust her not to run again?

He makes it over to West Drive makes a left and continues towards the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir. He figures he will make his way up to the 97th street transverse, make a right onto East Drive back around the reservoir and back to the loft.

Kate Beckett leaves her father's house heading for Central Park. Her mind is on the one person she hasn't been able to find… Her Castle. Since her talk with Martha, she has not heard back from the woman and figures what his response was. Still she was not giving up. She has called in a couple favors and had his financials run discreetly, hoping it will at least lead her in the right direction. Unfortunately anything related to Richard Castle stopped two months ago. It's like he dropped off the face of the earth. She wishes she could go back to that day on the swings over four months ago and just listened to her heart and said yes. She can picture it now… lying in his bed, spooning, his arm wrapped around her making her feel both protected and loved. She'd wake up to find him in front of her, kissing her and handing her a cup of coffee. After they would shower together, make love and discuss their wedding plans. She knew she needed to stop thinking about it… she had her chance as she blew it. She just can't help it.

She's made her way over to East Drive and decides to make her way up and around the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir, before heading back to her dad's place.

The weather is beautiful, sunny and warm but not to warm. Central Park is busy, but it's mostly the early morning risers out for their daily run or bike ride. He is halfway down the transverse when he notices a familiar brunette making her way towards him. He has nowhere to go; there is no way for him to avoid her. His only hope is that she will not look up at him and recognize him. After all Alexis did say she barely recognized him. He keeps telling himself… just keep your head down, don't make eye contact. He can't help himself though he looks up just as they are next to each other. His blue eyes meet her greenish brown ones. Oh shit, he says to himself… just keep running, don't slow down, and don't stop.

Kate was halfway over the 97 street transverse, enjoying her run… mainly due to still thinking about him. She notices the man jogging in her direction. As he approaches, she thinks to herself that he almost resembles Castle. She is about to pass him when their eyes meet. She knows those eyes anywhere; stopping in her tracks… she freezes. It takes her a few moments to process everything; His hair is changed, it's now short and blonde with a goatee to match. He has lost weight, probably twenty five pounds. He is tanned and with the lost weight – toned. But it was definitely Castle… she turns around and runs after him.

He continues his pace, not immediately hearing anything… he thinks he just might have got away. He should have known that the universe had other plans. She caught up to him in no time calling out his name. He realizes other people watching them; worried about causing a scene… he stops and turns around. For the first time in four months he is face to face with Kate Beckett. He can see tears running down her face. She leans in trying to embrace him. He stops her, taking her by the arm and leading them to some place more private. He really didn't want to have this conversation, but now there is no getting around it.

"Richard Alexander Rodgers" he says.

"What?" Kate asks slightly confused.

"If we are going to do this, you need to address me by my correct name. There is no more Richard Castle… he retired after I finished the last Nikki Heat Novel."

"Cast… Rick why?

"Do you know how hard it was to finish that last book? Writing a story based on the woman you loved… a woman who broke your heart into a million pieces when she decided that a job was more important than you. Finishing that book nearly killed me… I no longer enjoyed it. For over twenty years writing was my life, but when I completed the Final Nikki Heat Book… I decided then and there that I was finished. I no longer had it in me."

"I'm so sorry Rick; I made a mistake when I chose the job… the whole four months away from you I was miserable."

His anger starting to build "You made a mistake… you were miserable. I sold everything I owned and left a city I loved because it all reminded me of you. I walked away from my family, from all my friends… and you're telling me about being miserable."

Sobbing she repeats "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I screwed up… I...I love you."

"You love me Kate; you have a funny way of showing it. When you love somebody you put them above everything else, even you own happiness. Hiding things, keeping secrets and then telling me it is your life… your career, that doesn't sound like love to me. Hell, it took you standing on a bomb, nearly dying for you to even say those three little words to me."

"Rick, you know I'm not very good at saying it, but I have shown you over the years how much I care and love you. Look what I did for your birthday."

"If you love me so much than answer me why, why did you choose the job? Why did you say no when I offered to come with you? And if you knew you made a mistake and were miserable… why did you wait four months to do anything about it?"

"I don't know why I did what I did… I was scared. When we met that day at the swings and you started talking… I thought you were breaking up with me, and then you asked me to marry you. Rick, I've never been in a relationship as long as I had with you. I've never felt the way I feel for you. When I get scared… I run and bury myself in my job. Only this time I ran and jumped at the job offer."

"You were scared… you didn't think that I was scared. Kate I have two failed marriages. Do you know why my first marriage failed?"

"I asked Meredith when she stayed at the loft. She said you knew everything about her, but she barely knew enough about you to write a paragraph. And when she tried to learn more… you would dodge her with your humor."

"I'll admit that I didn't trust her enough to open up to her. The only reason we probably got married was because she was pregnant with Alexis. What she failed to tell you was I caught her cheating on me, having sex with her director in our bed while Alexis was crying upstairs in her crib. She couldn't even check on our daughter."

"What about Gina?"

"We worked well together. We were spending a lot of time working on the Derrick Storm series and I mistook our working relationship for love. I wanted a mother figure for Alexis and I really thought Gina would be. It wasn't until after we were married that I figured out she wanted nothing to do with Alexis, and fell in love with the public image of Richard Castle, not the family one."

"Then why did you take her to the Hamptons that summer?"

"Kate I wanted to take you, I offered more than once. You were with Demming. You were going away with him. I should have never taken her… but I didn't want to be alone. She offered to come with me and I accepted."

"Rick I broke up with Demming before your going away party. I was going to tell you I was going to accept your offer, but then Gina showed up."

"If I'd have known that I would never have taken her."

Trying to lighten the mood she adds "well our timing has never been perfect."

Unfortunately she gets no reaction from him. He begins again "That doesn't change the fact that you chose DC over me. "

"Rick, please if I could go back in time and change things I would…. I love you… I want to be with you."

"I don't know if I can trust you again with my heart. What happens if you get scared again? How do I know you won't run?"

"I won't Rick… I lost everything that was important in my life; Lanie, the boys, Martha, Alexis and you. I came back here hoping for another chance. Please Rick."

His heart feels torn, he wants to embrace her and comfort her, he wants to believe her and give her a second chance. It is just too much for him, so he replies "Look, I love you Kate and always will. But I don't think I can give you what you want. I can't put my heart out there again… only to have you crush it."

She reaches in again trying to embrace him "Castle I love you, please don't do this."

He holds her away "Kate, I think it's better if we went our separate ways."

"No Rick, please."

"I'm sorry Kate" he turns leaving, not looking back. He can hear her sobbing and he wants to turn back, but can't. He picks up his pace almost sprinting back to his mother's loft.

Kate stands motionless, tears running down her face. She just lost the only man she ever loved for a second time in four months. She needs to talk to someone. She needs her best friend. She pulls out her phone and calls Lanie. It rings a few times before she picks up.

"Girl, you better have a good reason for calling me on my day off before 9 am." All she hears on the other end is silence.

"Kate, is everything alright?"

Recovering enough to speak Kate quickly replies, "Lanie, can I come over?"

"Sure honey, just give me a couple of minutes."

_Martha's Loft_

Martha is up and is waiting for her son to get back. She figured he decided to go for a run and plans on fixing him breakfast when he gets back. As he enters the door she can tell something is the matter. He doesn't even greet her; he just heads over to the liquor cabinet and pulls out the scotch. He pours himself some in a tumbler, drinking it down fast before repeating the process.

"Richard, what is going on?"

He doesn't answer and is about to pour himself another shot when Martha grabs it away from him.

"There is only one person I know that can cause you to act like this."

He sighs "What are the chances? Out of a city of over 8 million people I would run into her."

"You ran into Kate?"

He just gives her a nod, not continuing the conversation.

"Richard, you can't just nod…. Tell me what happened."

Not wanting to go into everything he continues "we talked, she tried to explain her actions and asked for another chance."

"So, what did you tell her?"

"I said I couldn't and told her we would be better off going our separate ways."

"Richard, you can't tell me you do not love that woman… I've never seen you as happy as you were when with her."

"Mother, I never said I don't love her… I do, I just can't risk giving her my heart to only have her break it again when she gets scared and runs."

"Darling I know she made a mistake and as a result you got hurt. But don't you think she deserves a second chance. We both know that Kate loves you… and if you don't act on it, I believe you are the one that is making the terrible mistake this time."

"Can we please change the subject? I don't want to think about it. I just want to enjoy my time with you and Alexis before I go back."

"She shakes her head at him, I know I'm not a role model when it comes to relationships, but I really want you to think about what I said to you."

_Lanie's Apartment_

Lanie opens her door to find a defeated looking Kate Beckett. She embraces her in a hug, and then loops her arm around Kate's shoulders leading her into the living room. Placing her on the couch, she returns to the kitchen bringing to cups of tea with her.

"So, tell me what happened."

Taking a sip of her tea she begins "I saw him."

"You saw who?"

"Who do you think? Castle"

Lanie is shocked and can barely get out "What? When? Where? How?"

"I went for a jog in Central Park and just kind of ran into him. You should have seen him Lanie, I almost didn't recognize him"

"What do you mean… did he have plastic surgery or something?"

"No nothing like that, but he did change his appearance. His hair is short and blonde. He grew a goatee, lost probably twenty five pounds, looks tones and tanned and changed his name back to his surname."

"Surname, what is a surname?"

"He changed his name to Richard Edgar Castle before he became a writer…. His surname is Richard Alexander Rodgers."

"And you know this how?"

"He told me two years ago after the psychic case."

"Anyway, now get to the good stuff… what happened?"

"We talked; I told him that I made a mistake choosing the job over him. I told him how sorry I was and that I loved him and wanted another chance."

"And, what did he say?"

"He wanted to know why? Why did I choose the job over him? I told him I got scared. I've never been in a relationship as long as I had with him. I never felt the way I felt about him. Then I told him run I get scared… I run. I bury myself in my job, but this time it was the DC offer."

"So, what did he say?"

"Long story short he told me he loved me and always will, but he didn't think he could risk his heart again. He said he couldn't trust me not to get scared and run again."

"Oh, Kate"

"It's alright Lanie… I tried; I just couldn't convince him that I was worth it."

"Are you giving up?"

"Lanie, he said no… what do you want me to do?"

"The Kate Beckett I know would not give up so easily, she would fight for what she wants."

Kate thinks about what Lanie said, she is right… she needs to fight for him, she needs to show him that he can trust her again, prove to him she will not run again.

"Your right Lanie,,, and I think I know a way to prove to him that he can trust me and that I will not run again."

"That's my girl, now go to it."

_Martha's Apartment_

The rest of Rick's day was spent with his mother and Alexis. Luckily she didn't say anything else about Kate and he decided not to say anything to his daughter about it. Everything went great; he took them out shopping, then for dinner and a movie. He didn't think once about Kate until he tried to sleep. His mind kept replaying their conversation. Was he making the right choice? He did love her, he couldn't deny it. Could he trust her enough not to get scared and run? He just wasn't sure. Why was everything so difficult? Why did the universe chose that exact moment for them to meet again? God his head hurt, maybe a shot of scotch would help him sleep. He walks out of the spare bedroom heading for the kitchen when he notices his mother with a glass of wine in her hand.

"Good evening mother"

"Richard, what are you still doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep, though maybe another shot of scotch would help."

"We both know why you're not able to sleep."

"Mother, please can we not have this discussion again?"

"Okay kiddo I won't bring it up but I have a question for you."

"Shoot"

"You do realize you are doing the same thing Kate did."

"What, whatever do you mean?"

"Think about it Richard, She got scared and ran… taking the job in DC. What did you do? After announcing your retirement… you sold everything here in New York and ran to North Carolina."

"It's not the same mother… I was not scared, I was enjoying retirement."

"Son, call it what you want… but you did the same thing. You could have retired and still remained here, but you didn't."

At a loss for a reply he kissed his mother goodnight and headed back to his bedroom. Sleep finally overtaking him, he decided to sleep in and not go for his morning run. He kept telling himself it had nothing to do with being worried about running into Kate again. His mother didn't mention their talk last night but informed him Alexis would be joining them for breakfast.

They were all seated at the table when the heard a knock on the door. Martha waved the others to remain seated as she went to answer the door. She was surprised to find none other than Kate Beckett.

"Sorry to interrupt Martha, but can I come in?"

"Of course Katherine, you are always welcome here."

As they make their way to the breakfast table, both Alexis and Rick notice her approaching. Rick is speechless, while Alexis starts "Gram what is she doing here? She has no right to be here."

"Alexis Castle, this is my loft and she is welcome anytime."

Alexis huffs and Rick places his hand over hers letting her know it is alright. Kate then begins "Alexis, you have every right to feel the way you do about me. I screwed up. I got scared and ran, and I have no right to be here, but I'm trying to make amends. I care about you and your family very much and hope one day you can forgive me."

Alexis looks over at the woman, unwilling to forgive he just yet… she nods her understanding. Kate then turns her attention to Rick, "Could we talk somewhere in private?"

He gets up and leads her over to the spare room closing the door to give them some privacy. "Kate, what are you doing here?"

"Rick, I've been thinking about everything you said yesterday. About not knowing whether you can trust me getting scared and running again."

He goes to interrupt her, but she lifts her hand stopping her as she continues "I'm here to prove to you that I love you and that I want you, that even if I get scared I will not run from you again."

He watches as she pulls something out of her pocket, opening it he can see a men's wedding band. She gets down on one knee "Richard Alexander Rodgers you mean everything to me, will you do me the honor of becoming my husband… will you marry me?"

**A/N: Hope you enjoy. Tried to keep it real. Next chapter will have Rick's decision.**


	6. Chapter 6

He thinks, _oh my God, did she just do what I think she did? Did Kate Beckett just propose to me?_ Rick is stunned… he can't move, he can't talk, and he just stands there staring. Kate is still down on her knee looking up at him waiting for him to reply. He can see the expression of her beautiful greenish brown eyes change from that of hope, love and affection to despair as the seconds pass. Come on Rick, get it together and give her an answer.

He moves towards her and slowly brings her up off her knee before starting "Kate, I think we need to have a talk before I can give you my answer."

"Okay Rick"

He leads them over to the bed, sitting on the edge facing each other he begins "What has changed?"

"Excuse me?"

"I want to know what has changed in the four months that I asked you to marry me."

"I thought we addressed this when we had our talk yesterday… I admitted that I made a mistake choosing the job over you…. That I was miserable without you…. And that I loved you."

"I appreciate all those things you have told me, but that still doesn't answer my question. You told me you were scared and when you get scared you run. I guess my question is how do I know you will not do it again?"

"I… I thought my actions today proved this to you that I'm committed to you… to us, and I won't run."

"Kate, it is a good starting point and I know that it is took a lot of courage for you to here with no expectations and ask me. But I need more… I need to know that if I accept your proposal things will be different. You won't revert back to the old Kate… who pushes me away or blocks me out. Who keeps secrets and hides things from me."

"Cast… Rick, I am truly sorry for how I have treated you… and I don't just mean with regard to the job offer… I mean the past five years. I know at times I've been selfish and thought only of myself, which caused you unnecessary pain and anguish. I promise if you give me the chance I will change because you are worth it."

"Rick I know you may not believe me but I want this… I've always wanted this, I just afraid that maybe you didn't want the same things. Back when we worked the case with agent Stack, He asked me where I saw myself in five years. The first thing that flashed in my head was us together, married with children."

"Kate, I wanted the same thing, but was afraid to bring up the subject for fear of scaring you."

"That is probably our biggest problem Rick, if we would just communicate instead of relying on subtext we might not have been in this mess."

He nods his head in agreement. Finished with their conversation… he knows he needs to give her an answer. But it's not that easy, he needs to think things over. Before he can even say anything, she looks questioningly into his eyes "Have we covered everything that we needed to?"

He gives her a little smile "I think we have?"

"So, Richard Rodgers will you marry me?"

She can tell by his expression that she isn't going to like what it is. "Kate, I wish I could give you an answer right now… I really do. I just need a little time to think things through."

He can see how disappointed she is… her shoulders sag, the hope is gone from her eyes and she forces a smile when she replies "That's fine Rick, take all the time you need."

He can't let her leave like this, his answer was not meant to hurt her. "Hey, I'm not saying no… I love you Kate. Just give me a couple of days… OK?"

"OK" she replies as he brings her into a hug. She buries her head in his chest, taking in the familiar scent that is him. She missed this and doesn't want to let go ever, but knows in a matter of seconds it will be over.

He breaks from the shared embrace and holds her hand as he leads her to the door. Opening it he says "I'll talk to you soon."

She repeats "Talk to you soon." As the door closes she lets out a sigh. It is out of her hands now… now she just has to be patient and hope to hear from him soon. He waited for her for four years the least she can do is last a couple of days.

Rick makes his way back to the breakfast table. His mother and daughter have been waiting for his return to find out what Kate wanted.

Seeing him deep in thought Martha beings "Richard is everything okay?"

"I… I guess so."

"Dad, are you sure? Your acting differently, did Beckett say something that made you upset?"

"No, no um, she didn't do anything that upset me."

"Richard, you were in there for quite a while… what were the two of you discussing?"

He looks over at his mother, then back to his daughter both waiting to hear his response "She… uh… got down on her knee and proposed to me."

"What?" both redheads yelled in unison.

"Dad, you can't seriously be considering it… you told her no… right."

"Kiddo what did you say?"

He holds up his hand motioning to the two of them to give him a minute before proceeding "I told her I needed a few days to think it over."

Alexis starts up "What? Why would you tell her that? Dad, I know you love her but look at all the times she hurt you. It was because of her you quit writing, sold everything and left for North Carolina. If you do this she is just going to hurt you again."

"Pumpkin, I know I have been hurt by Kate in the past. And I will admit that she did contribute to the changes I made in my life. But I also know I love her. I have never felt this way about anyone else… not your mother, not Gina and not even Kyra. She knows her actions have hurt me in the past and she apologized and promised to change."

"Do you believe her dad? Do you think she can change?"

"Yes Alexis I do."

"So it sounds like you've made up your mind then."

"I still need to think it over, but our conversation did make progress."

"Well, whatever you decide dad… I will support it."

"Thanks honey"

Martha was waiting patiently for his conversation to finish with Alexis before giving him her advice. "Richard I'm not trying to influence your decision, but I'm glad both you and Katherine have come to your senses. "

"Really mother, weren't you the one who kept pushing me to talk to her once she returned to New York?"

"Well what can I say I was only trying to give you both a push in the right direction?"

He knows his mother has always liked Kate and believed even when he just started following her that she was the one for him. As a result he gives in and answers with a "thank you."

"You're welcome, now how long are you going to wait before you tell the poor girl yes?"

"Mother, I was serious when I said I needed a few days to think it over. I don't want to rush my decision."

_Jim Beckett's Home_

Kate just returned from Martha's loft when she is greeted by her dad "Hey Katie, I haven't seen much of you the last two days is everything alright.

"I'm sorry dad; I just been pretty busy the last couple of days."

"I thought you were off, did you get called in for a case?"

"No, nothing like that, I kind of ran into Rick the other day." She says it so fast her father can hardly understand her.

"Excuse me, what was that again? It kind of sounded that you ran into Rick."

"Yeah, I did… when I went for a run in Central Park."

"So what happened?"

"We um talked. I told him that I was sorry, I made a mistake, was miserable, missed him, loved him and wanted a second chance."

"What did he say?"

"He told me he still loved me, but that I hurt him, that he couldn't trust me not to get scared and run again."

"Ouch"

"Yeah I know, but after talking to Lanie… she convinced me not to give up, to fight for what I want."

"I always liked Lanie" Jim laughed to himself "So I take it you went back to see Rick today."

"Yes, he is staying with Martha… I went over and asked if we could talk in private. When we were alone I got down on my knee, told him how much he meant to me and asked him to marry me."

She quickly lowers her head afraid to see what her father's reaction may be. Finally gaining the courage she slowly looks up to see him smiling.

"Why are you smiling?"

"I'm just happy to see my fearless, determined daughter back is all. Ever since you took that job, you lost it and now it is good to see it again."

"Seeing how you haven't informed me that you're engaged, what has his answer?"

"He said he needed a few days to think things over."

"Katie, I know it wasn't the answer you were looking for, but he didn't say no. Just stay positive… you and I both know how he feels about you."

"I know dad, it's just hard… I've missed him and after four months I finally have a chance to get him back. I want this so bad."

Pulling his daughter into a hug he whispers to her "It will all work out."

_12th Precinct_

Monday started off better for Detective Beckett. Ryan and Esposito have finally started talking to her more. It's not like it was before she left, but it is still better than how they ignored her last week. On top of that they had caught a case. A Jane Doe was murdered and dumped in Central Park. Checking out the crime scene and interviewing witnesses kept her busy most of the morning and helped her get her mind off of Rick. She knew he told her a couple of days but she was hoping to hear from him sooner.

She was surprised when at lunch time Esposito informed her that him and Ryan were going to grab something to eat and asked if she wanted anything. She thanked him and let him know she appreciated it but was going down the morgue to have lunch with Lanie.

Five minutes later Kate entered the morgue, "Hey Lanie."

"Hey Girl, just give me two minutes to clean up and I'll be right there."

Grabbing the Chinese Lanie had delivered for her and Kate; she walks over handing her a carton. "So, you going to tell me what happened yesterday with Rick?"

Kate goes on to tell her about showing up at Martha's loft, asking him to talk in private and then proposing to him. Lanie is shocked and it takes her a minute or two to recover.

"You, Kate Beckett proposed to him?"

Smiling she says "Yes, yes I did."

"So… what was his answer?"

Lanie sees the smile fall from her friends face and fears the worse. Kate then continues "He said he needed a couple of days to think about it."

"Kate, he didn't say no"

Tired of hearing it she replies "Why does everyone think that is a good thing? I'm trying to be positive, but to me it's just delaying the inevitable. I screwed this up so badly it would not surprise me if he still tells me no."

"Girl, I'm going to smack you. What did I tell you the other day? Don't give up. I know it is hard waiting for him, but look how long he waited for you… never giving up."

She wants to argue some more but knows she will get nowhere with Lanie and decides to let it go. "You're right Lanie, I can't give up."

"That's my girl."

_Two Days Later – 12__th__ Precinct_

It is going on the third day and Kate still has not heard from him. She and the boys were able to solve their case. It ended up the young woman came from a rich family and was killed and dumped by her brother after she was set to inherit the family fortune. She should be happy and upbeat providing closure for another victim's family, but she can't. She gets satisfaction in doing her job, but her happiness lies with the man she loved. Four months ago she chose her career over him; today she would quit her job just to be with him.

Just as tears start to form in her eyes, she quickly heads to the ladies room. She ducts into a stall and just lets it out.

_Martha's Loft_

To say the past few days have been easy for Richard Rodgers would be a gross understatement. Both his mother and Alexis have been hammering him wanting to know if he has come to a decision. Going for a run usually clears his mind, but it causes him to go back and forth with his decision. He just wished he had someone he could turn to for advice. Unfortunately that used to be Kate.

It is already day three and he still doesn't know what to do. He loves her, he wants to be with her, marry her, and have kids with her. He can even admit to forgiving her for the pain she caused him the last four months. It's just the trust issue… Does he trust her to put them first? Does he trust her not to break his heart again? Does her trust her to truly let him in? Needing to get out of the house before he is once again cornered by the redheads, he leaves the loft and heads to Starbucks for a cup of coffee and some time to think. He picked up his coffee and moved to the corner table. Staring into his cup not really paying attention he noticed somebody sit down in the chair next to him. Looking up he was shocked by who he saw.

"Dad"

Jackson Hunt looks over as his son "Hello Richard"

"What are you doing here?"

"I figured you could use a little fatherly advice."

"H… How did you know?"

"Really, we both know how I work for and you know I keep up with everything that goes on with you and your family."

"So I take it you know why I sitting here."

"Of course I do… and I hoping I can help you with your decision."

"Okay, if you were in my shoes what would you do?"

"Son, it's a no brainer… I would say yes to Kate."

"What? How is it a no brainer?"

"Answer me this question do you love her?"

"Yes"

"Would you give your life for her?"

"Yes"

"Did you miss her like crazy those four months she was gone?"

"Yes"

"Would she do the same for you?"

"Yes"

"Then it is a no brainer Richard. Go and tell that girl yes."

He looks over at his dad, thinks hard about what he said. A smile crosses his face as he gets up and hugs the man "Thanks".

He is just about to leave when he looks back to him "So should I expect you at the wedding?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

He smiles once again as he heads back to the loft to freshen up before heading to the precinct.

_12__th__ Precinct_

Kate has finally gotten over her crying spell. She gives herself a look over in the bathroom mirror making sure her mascara hasn't run and her eyes don't look red and puffy. Heading out of the ladies room she starts her way back to her desk to finish up her paperwork. She is about half way when she stops in her tracks. Ryan and Esposito pick up their heads noticing her then turn to see what she is staring at.

Richard Rodgers has just entered the 12th precinct for the first time in four months. He is showered, shaved (the goatee now gone), and dressed in a navy blue button down shirt and a pair of slacks. He is carrying a bouquet of flowers and a small box. The desk sergeant looks him over… it takes a minute for it to register who he is looking at. Mr. Castle?

He smiles at him "actually Tommy, you can call me Mr. Rodgers now."

"Do… you want me to call up and let her know you are here?"

"I'd rather keep it a surprise" he says making his way over to the elevator.

Pushing the button for the Homicide Floor he feels both nervous and happy. He hears the familiar ding announcing his arrival. He takes a deep breath before exiting. As he turns the corner his eyes lock on the person he is looking for. Her eyes lock on him, suddenly she stops in her tracks motionless. He thinks to himself _God is she breathtaking. _He gives her a beautiful smile. She starts to smile back at him. She then gives him a questioning look as if seeking to confirm the reason he is here. He nods his head up and down. Before he knows it she screams and starts running to him. He picks up his pace towards her; dropping the flowers … he catches her as she jumps into his arms. She wraps her arms around his neck, legs around his waist and kisses him with all the passion she can. He begins kissing her back and the whole floor breaks out into applause. It takes Ryan and Esposito a couple of minutes to figure out what has just happened.

"Holy shit it's Castle" replies Espo.

"Unbelievable" is all Ryan can get out.

Esposito quickly texts Lanie telling her to get her ass up here a.s.a.p. or miss all the excitement.

Kate and Rick final break pull apart needing to breath. He lowers her down. Taking in everyone in watching them, he whispers to her "I know you already proposed to me, but I figured I would do this right." Opening the small jewelry box, he pulls out a beautiful Tiffany and Co. 2 carat Lucida platinum diamond band. He then gets down on one knee.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, I love you will all my heart, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife… will you marry me?"

She is so happy she can hardly get it out "Y…Yes Richard Alexander Rodgers I will marry you."

He slides the ring on her finger, standing up he pulls her back into his embrace. Everyone continues to cheer, even Captain Iron Gates is out of her office smiling and clapping.

She breaks the kiss; pulling away she grabs his hand saying "Let's get out of here."

Entering the elevator has asks "where are we going?"

"I really don't care as long as I'm with you."

He pulls her in, embracing her, "I love you so much… I'm sorry it took me so long to get here."

She looks up into his eyes "I love you too… I'm just so glad you decided I was worth all the trouble."

Smiling back at her "always."

**A/N: I know some of you wanted me to have Rick push her away for a while… and I thought about it. But I just couldn't… call it the shipper in me. I hope you have enjoyed. I plan on adding 1 or 2 epilogues. Thanks.**


	7. Chapter 7 - epilogue 1

_6 Months Later_

She wakes up with his arms wrapped around her, making her feel safe and loved. It's hard to believe that six months ago she almost lost him for good. She still doesn't know what she was thinking… choosing a job over the love of her life. She is just happy that his is such a forgiving and loving man. She hears him yawn knowing he is waking. She turns around looking into his beautiful eyes.

"Morning beautiful"

"Morning handsome"

Smiling at her he replies "just think in two more days you will be Mrs. Castle."

"I know I can't wait", she smiles back at him. "Rick, can I ask you something?"

"Kate, you know you can ask me anything… remember no more secrets between us."

"Yeah, I know… I was just wondering what made you decide to go back to Richard Castle, you never really told me why?"

Thinking over her question her responds "there are actually a couple of reasons." Then he continues "after you left for DC… I felt that a part of me had died. I couldn't write, I couldn't face going to the 12th, I just didn't want to be Richard Castle anymore. So I sold everything, changed my name back to Rodgers and tried to disappear."

Her smile disappears and is replaced by sadness "I'm so sorry Rick"

"Kate I'm not telling you this because I'm trying to hurt her … I'm saying I did exactly what you did, I ran… I ran to North Carolina hiding from everybody… my friends, my family even from you. But now that I have you there is no more running, no more hiding."

"Okay, I understand" she replies. "But there is more to it, isn't there?"

"Yes, yes there is more to it. I also have started writing again."

"When?"

"After we got engaged, when I was at the precinct helping… I was here writing. I decided that I wanted to give Nikki and Rook a happy ending so I started 'Reclaiming Heat'."

"Oh my God" she says as she leans in kissing him. "I'm so happy you are writing again… why didn't you say anything?"

"I just wanted to surprise you, plus I didn't want to get my hopes up. It had been nearly 5 months since I wrote anything."

"So does that mean you are going to go back to working with Gina at Black Pawn?"

"Actually I've already been talking to Paula. I asked her to reach out to some smaller publishing companies… to see if there was an interest in the book. I decided that I wanted to be able to make my own decisions with regard to book launches and signings especially now that we are getting married and hopefully going to be starting a family soon."

"That's wonderful Rick."

"Now there is one question I have for my future wife. I know where haven't talked about it… trying to get everything planned for the wedding. Where would you like to go for our honeymoon?"

"Rick, we don't have to go anywhere fancy. After all you bought us this beautiful 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom loft in So Ho. You are giving me the wedding of my dreams. And you are making me the happiest woman in the world. So, what I was thinking was we could just go down to our cottage in Ocracoke for 2 weeks."

"Sounds great to me" he replies leaning in to kiss her.

_The East Meadow in Central Park- Two Days Later_

Rick Castle stood in the center of an ornate canopy dressed in a black Armani Tuxedo with a champagne colored David Donahue Paisley vest and matching silk tie. Joined to his left are his best man Javier Esposito and groomsman Kevin Ryan. They are encircled by all the friends and family waiting for the bride to arrive. Luckily thanks to his friendship with the mayor and the NYPD the paparazzi and onlookers have been kept at bay.

Esposito leans in and whispers "you ready for this Castle?"

"Thirds times a charm right?"

Espo then jokingly adds "just remember if you hurt her Ryan and I can make you disappear."

"Right and Lanie will make sure nobody finds me."

Just as Esposito is about to reply, a horse and carriage makes it way bringing the bride, her father, the maid of honor and bridesmaid. Coming to a stop near the aisle laced with white rose petals, the first to exit is Alexis, followed by Lanie, then Jim Beckett and Kate. His eyes land on her he is unable to look away. She looks beautiful, wearing a Vera Wang Ivory Basket Weave Organza Gown with floral detail.

Once everybody is ready the string quartet begins playing A Thousand Years by Christina Perry signaling the start. Alexis begins making her way down the aisle, trying to smile up at her father while holding back tears. She is followed by Lanie the maid of honor, who quickly smiles to the groom before turning to his right focusing on Esposito. Finally Kate and Jim start down the aisle; her eyes are glued on his blue ones. She can see a tear slowly make it way down his cheek. Fighting her own tears she smiles up at him, she has never been happier in all he life. Reaching the canopy, Jim hands her off to Rick before stepping back and taking a seat next to Martha.

Castle leans over quickly whispering in her ear "I love you so much"

She whispers back "me too"

They then turn and face the minister, hand in hand. He begins "Do you Richard Edgar Castle take Katherine Houghton Beckett as your lawful wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward in sickness and in health until death do you part?"

"I do"

"And do you Katherine Houghton Beckett take Richard Edgar Castle as your lawful husband to have and to hold from this day forward in sickness and in health until death do you part?"

"I do"

After the exchange of rings, they are pronounced husband and wife by the minister as he informs Castle "you may kiss you bride."

Rick leans in planning on a simple but romantic kiss, but Kate isn't having it. As soon as he starts pulling away she grips he hands around the base of his neck pulling him back in as the audience starts applaud. Finally breaking away all Castle can say is "Wow" causing most of their guest as well as the minister to chuckle. They join hands and face their guest being announced as Mr. and Mrs. Richard Castle. Walking down the aisle as the quartet starts the wedding march their matching smiles telling all just how happy they are. Rick helps Kate back up onto the carriage and joins her as they ride off heading over to the Russian Tea Room to meet their guest for the reception.

After they are out of sight he comments "I just have to tell you how beautiful you look in your gown Mrs. Castle."

"Why thank you Mr. Castle, you're not so bad yourself" smiling as she leans in pressing her lips to his.

The ride is romantic. Castle has his arm wrapper around Kate's shoulders. She is snuggled into his side. Glancing at each other, their eyes meeting, not sure who is initiating it the kiss repeatedly until before they know it they arrive at the reception.

Everything turns out beautiful from the dinner to the entertainment to the cutting of the cake. The only time they have separated is when Kate danced with her father and Castle with his mother and then daughter. Other than that they have been inseparable. The night winds down and Rick and Kate sneak out into their car service as it takes them to the St. Regis Hotel, where they have the honeymoon suite booked. If though they have been living together for almost six months, Kate can't wait to get him alone. Tipping the bus boy, Rick lifts her up and carries her across the entrance, not putting her down he takes her straight into their bedroom. Obviously he felt the same as she did. Before they now it, all clothes are off and they are making love like they have never done before. It is a mixture of passion, love, lust and happiness. By the time they are finished with round 3, they are exhausted and snuggling into one another as sleep over takes them.

_Their Loft – 2 months later_

Castle just gets back from a meeting with his new publishing company. They were going over the final editing of 'Reclaiming Heat'. If all goes well it should be released within the next month. He steps through the door catching the smell of something wonderful. He heads to the kitchen enjoying the view of his wife moving around elegantly. Not wanting to startle her he just continues to watch.

"You know Castle it doesn't matter if we are married or not…. Staring at me is creepy."

"Sorry Kate, I don't know what it is but there is just something about you that I can't keep my eyes off of."

Coming up to him she places her hands around his neck pulling him into her for a kiss. Before smiling and heading back to cooking.

"Whatever you are making smells terrific" he replies.

"It's just my mother's homemade spaghetti sauce. I figured we could have it with meatballs and a tossed salad."

"Sounds great" looking around he finds the table set as well as candles lit "Are we celebrating something?" he asks.

"Something like that" is all she says.

"Did you close your case today?"

"Yeah I did, but that's not what this is about."

"Okay, but you have to tell me."

"Rick, good things come to those who wait."

"K-A-T-E" he whines, but she is still not giving in. "Alright I guess I can wait."

Dinner is wonderful, she tells him about closing the case she was working on and is surprised by who the killer actually was. He fills her in on his meeting and the release date of his new book. They then talk about their friends. About Jenny and Ryan's baby boy, and about Lanie and Esposito finally working things out and moving forward in their relationship.

After dinner he clears the table since Kate cooked, placing the dishes in the dishwasher when he hears music playing. Turning around he finds his wife watching him. "Is everything okay?" he asks her.

"Dance with me Rick"

Smiling he takes her in his arms and they move slowly to the rhythm. As the song stops she looks up at him "I love you so much."

"I love you too, are you sure everything is okay? I'm starting to feel a little nervous?"

"Yes Rick everything is fine… I'm just very happy. Now close your eyes and hold out you hand."

He does as he is told and feels a small rectangular box placed in it. He opens up his eyes looking over to her making sure it is alright to open it. She gives him an encouraging nod. He slowly opens the lid looking inside the box. He has to look twice to make sure he is seeing what he thinks he is. A huge smile covers his face as he looks up to her for verification. She smiles back at him and he can't help himself… letting go of the box he grabs his wife twirling her around.

"We're pregnant" is all he gets out before stopping and pulling her in and kissing her.

**A/N: I wish this came out better. I knew what I wanted to cover in the first epilogue, but had trouble with it. Anyway thanks for all the support and reviews. The final epilogue will be out in a few days.**


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